In the collection plate at a Japanese restaurant.

She may not have done. She may have done.
She told me she had because I was talking about anti-social things.

Ain’tisocial?

It had been laying by the door for days.
It was raining hard.
It looked broken anyway.

It was.
So I left the umbrella in the restaurant.

Ain’tisocial?

Not every time. But some of the time.

Do I have to like everyone at the office?

Once I was asked to contribute to someone who left because they couldn’t stand working with me… how does that work?

Ain’tisocial?

Take one bathroom cupboard, with mirrored door.
Take eleven small urine sample pots. Fill out labels with various dates.
Fill pots with various liquids such as white wine, apple juice, lime juice, cider, and perhaps even a port.
Place pots on shelves inside cupboard.
Wait for next barbie and watch guests for signs of horrified snooping.
Expose, andenjoy.

Ain’tisocial?

If a dining experience has left me wanting revenge, I like to scrawl my signature mingled with an insulting ‘fu<<off’.

Small gesture, largely satisfying.

Ain’tisocial?

Do attitudes lead behaviour?

We went to the pub again.

There were some small white dishes that someone thought would match my other crockery.

L’il cuties they called them.

I accepted the first. So they brought me more.

Now I have three

Ain’tisocial?

A group of us were sitting in a pub.

The service wasn’t great and the menu ended up being over analysed.

And it was then the idea of “gash menus” was created.

I like the idea of creating gash menus. It involves stealing a copy of the menu and then creating a replica version. Even down to laminating it, it should be a direct copy. Except the words should be changed to extremely offensive sexual terms.

I want to create some. I have already stolen some menus.

Ain’tisocial?

I call for cabs.

But often I am late calling the cab.

So I stand on the street, and then another cab comes along. So I jump in.

And I don’t actually ring back the other company and tell them I no longer need the taxi.

Ain’tisocial?

I sit in an open plan office.

I manage quite a large team.

I sit at my desk and fart. Sometimes pretty smelly ones after lunch.

Ain’tisocial?